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Dear Reelect Brad Staffers, Good luck on the campaign trail! Make sure to bring lots bug spray and band aides. Also a canteen of water might be good, and come to think of it, a compass too. Maybe even some cyanide pills just in case you have to leave someone behind because they slow the rest of the troop down, and remember don't let minor set backs like malaria, a few minor cuts and bruises, dehydration, not being able to draw nice circles, or not having the option of dying quickly and painlessly keep you from achieving your dreams. Dreams are what keep you going even when you wake up one day and realize you find you no-long have anything to live for except midget porn, that crappy show "Stargate, the Series" and Spicy Hot Cheese-its (is there an apostrophe in "Cheese-its"?). If I could teach anyone anything I think I would teach them something really hard to understand to them like quantum physics or why they actually still make big boxes of Good n' Plenty even though no one ever EVER buys them except to piss of trick or treaters (I swear this is true). Then after I'd totally gained their awe and respect I'd ask them for money and then say some of that crap about dreams if they still needed a little coaxing to open up their wallets, and if that didn't work I just move on to someone even more gullible and with lots of time on their hands. In honor of this years Reelect Brad Campaign I've written a few haiku and tanka: Brad Ascends Brad swiftly ascends, down the stairway to floor one, where is he headed? Perhaps to roller hockey? Commons taco night maybe? To all the stupid voters last year that couldn't read the directions for the ballots haiku Re-elect Bradly, please familiarize yourself, on casting your vote. Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad, Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad, Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad. Brad's Ramen Recipe Haiku Boil the water, add in the ramen noodles, eat straight from hot pot. Passionately yours, IanaI P.S. I enclosed a map of the trail. Familiarize yourself with it.

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