WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING 
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         A T T E N T I O N     J A Y S . N E T     U S E R S ! ! ! 
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    WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING   WARNING 


The following is an ALL POINTS BULLETIN FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE to all users of 
jays.net services (Keeler, Lynn -- alert the AP!)


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  ---> Effective 12/11/98 the jays.net server has been replaced! <---
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Repeat:
  -------------------------------------------------------------------
  ---> Effective 12/11/98 the jays.net server has been replaced! <---
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DO NOT PANIC!  We, the administrators of jays.net, realize that this must be a 
traumatic experience for all of our users, but we beg you: REMAIN CALM. Rushing
to your nearest bomb shelters like hoards of lemmings won't do anyone any good.
In the face of this global tragedy we must draw upon our inner resources, pool
our talents and draw upon the strength and solidarity of our various 
religious and political orientations to pull us through this dark time. We
know it feels like your world is collapsing and that there's no reason to go
on living the remnants of your post-jays.net-server-has-been-replaced 
existence, but we promise: the sun WILL (probably) come up tomorrow. Chant
with us: "tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow... you're only......" Ok,
ok, we forget the rest but just make something up and we promise you'll feel
much better. 

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The jays.net-Server-Has-Been-Replaced FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions):
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Q:  AAAAAaaa!!!  I'm on the spam1@jays.net mailing list and my personal 
    universe revolves around posting loads of sports analisii that leaves the
    jays.net administrators wondering what the hell I'm talking about. What 
    do I do now??

A:  Do not panic.  spam1@jays.net service has not been interrupted.

Q:  NOOOOooo!!!  I'm on the thefam@jays.net mailing list and my personal 
    universe revolves around posting nothing at all for months on end while
    feverishly watching from the shadows of my AOL mailbox for any sign of
    other thefam members breaking our strict code of silence, thereby leaving 
    the jays.net administrators fearing that someone, somewhere deleted the 
    "The Internet" icon off their desktop, crashing the entire global network.
    What do I do now??

A:  Do not panic.  thefam@jays.net service has not been interrupted.

Q:  GROOAaan!!!  I've never heard of jays.net, but I just know I that sending 
    a $500 donation to the jays.net administrators would be the final step 
    on my road to eternal bliss and I can't wait to write my check. What do
    I do now?? 

A:  Do not panic.  You're right, Nirvana is just $500 away.  Mail that puppy.
 

                    ------------------------------- 
                      That is all.  Do not panic.
                    ------------------------------- 


P.S. for the Jay's humor impaired:

   While the jays.net services have moved from a Linux server at a company
   Jay used to work for to a RedHat 5.2 box hanging off Jay's cable modem
   in his apartment, no services have been interrupted.